This took place when I was in secondary 2 where I had to make a small car, one which would be operate with 2AA batteries, with a partner for Design and Technology (D&T) class. We had a semester to complete the car and there would be a class car competition at the end of the semester.
We were suppose to come out with a car design, the materials needed to make the car, and a report which contain information on our car and some research about electronic car. The making of the car would be during the sessions of our D&T practical.
In the beginning, we sat down and discuss which part of the project we are supposed to be in-charge of. I was to come out with the design of the car and the materials needed. She would then make improvements to the design. She was responsible for the report and I would edit.
The car was designed like a tortoise with the shell made of wood, wheels replaced the legs and head and tail which could be moved. Different shades of green acrylic would be pasted on the wooded shell for decoration.
To cut the story short...
We encountered problems with the acrylic. She told me that was afraid of the acrylic cutting machine and suggested that I should cut the acrylic, instead of her. I did not answer her question but recommended that we could cut them into bigger pieces. She said that big acrylic would not be as nice as small ones. After her comment, I decided to keep the acrylic size to the original one and I would do the cutting cause I thought she would definitely not to it. Actually I was very much afraid of the machine too and was quite upset but I still headed towards the machine and cut my acrylic. Halfway through my first piece, an uncle who was in-charge to the D&T room came to my rescue. He saw that I had difficulties cutting them and offered help.
Let me fast forward my story a little…
The second thing which got me angry was that she did not do the word document. She said that she was busy with other subject projects and did not have time to do our report. I felt that she was just making excuses and so I decided to treat her coldly from then on and insisted that she should come out with the report by hook or by crook.
In the end...
We managed to complete the project and entered our car for the competition. However, we came in almost last. Her comment after the race was ‘How fast do you want a tortoise car to go? I knew it would lose from the beginning.’ I was very disappointed with my friend.
Why wouldn’t she tell me that there was a problem with my design and so that we could change it right at the beginning?
Did she not say it because she did not care or what?
What do you think after reading my story?
Hi Zhiyan, your post reminded me of the same project too! I enjoyed handling those machines especially the acrylic ones. I have created a photo frame, a toy car, balancing toy and a wooden pencil box. Till now, I do keep some of my favourite works. Ok See. you got me excited talking about my experiences during secondary school days.
ReplyDeleteDoing group projects can be fun and yet frustrating! you see, we all have certain biases towards people right. In your case, I guess you could have applied perception checking with your friend. The goal of perception checking is to further explore the thoughts and feelings of the other person, not to prove that your initial perception is correct so that you lessen your chances of misinterpreting another's feelings. At the same time, you could give the other person an opportunity to elaborate on his or her feelings. For instance, why she is afraid of the machine?
Lastly, seek confirmation from your friend and don't try to read the thoughts and feelings of another person just from observing their behaviors. With that, it serves to reduce uncertainty among people to achieve greater accuracy in perception.
How well did you know your partner? It could be that she was too shy/timid to directly come out and reject your design. It can also be that she had no idea about whether the design would be good or not; the comment about knowing it would lose from the beginning being an attempt to cover up her disappointment/ignorance with false nonchalance. Perhaps in future endeavours, you could try forcing a respose before going ahead with a decision. Try to get group members to say yes or no to a decision, do not let them sit on the fence then try to push the blame onto others later (I have worked with some people like that, and it can be very aggravating).
ReplyDeleteFinally, i agree with what ting ting said: don't always rely only on non-verbal cues, silence does not always mean consent. It is always best to seek verbal affirmation (matched with positive body language as well) to prevent misunderstandings from arising.
Yes, do not always rely on non-verbal cues. Ask when in doubt was what I learnt.You never know what are they thinking about.
ReplyDeleteRecently, I am interested in reading non-verbal cues. During the holidays, I watched a HK drama and this detective was using non-verbal cues to solve crimes. It is kind of reading minds. I think I will read them up during my free time. May this can further help me with communications.
Hello Zhiyan!
ReplyDeleteFirst and foremost, I feel neither of you are in any fault nor should you guys bear any grudge. You are both only 14 years old!! At that point of time everything may seem 'clear' to you but in reality after we have all grown up and matured; things in the past start to seem really childish. I felt it was really normal for people not to say things to each other at that age, partly probably because she did not know how to express herself properly. Also, I feel that she said that hurtful comment out of spite, not because she really had that opinion right from the start; young girls can be really tactless and say hurtful things.
In addition, you might have been tactless too at that time by 'forcing' her to come out with the report. Moreover, she did not know that you were afraid of the machine as well because you did not tell her so; thus she did not realise you are already angry at her. Like I mentioned, this is probably because of the age you guys were at, and it shows how ineffective communication can result in such conflicts. As we mature, communication becomes clearer to us as we learn and things will get better.
Coming back to the present, what the others have pointed out are really important too. I fully agree that "when in doubt, always ask". There is nothing wrong to ask about something you are not sure of. In fact, this is a good skill in communication, called "paraphrasing" the other party's speech. E.g. "I think you are saying..." or "Am I right to say that you ..." It tells the other party that you are listening, how you have interpreted his/her message, and that you are unsure of what he/she has talked about. This really helps in more effective communication! =)
Hope this helps too.